Hope you’re all well and finding ways to amuse yourselves during lockdown. Mrs Flavour and I have been enjoying drinks at The Stay Inn, plus dinner at our new favourite restaurant, Notre Salon. It’s fair to say, we’re missing nightlife more than Joe Exotic’s husband misses teeth. Our fondness for a good meal has inspired us to try out some new dishes at home. Having relocated to Malaga days before being confined to our new home, we find ourselves without the fancy kitchen gadgets and overpriced utensils we’d grown accustomed to. Fear not, the locally sourced produce is magnificent. Armed with a hob, some basic equipment and the late, great Keith Floyd’s fondness for inspirational drinking, we’ve put together a recipe for your enjoyment.
1.8 cups of plain flour, plus more for correcting mistakes
1 cup of mashed potato
1 enviably sized leek
A handful of peas as green as Her Majesty’s lovely dress
4 slices of Spanish ham that were getting a bit dry
3 fat cloves of garlic
More olive oil than is advisable for 1 meal
Salt and pepper to taste
Chopped parsley for the ‘gram
Find the most passable saucepan from your limited selection and fill with water, bringing to the boil as quickly as your dodgy hob will allow. Peel and chop the potatoes into chunks the size of Trump’s heart. Boil for 15 minutes. Drain and finely mash with a fork because your masher is in storage.
Empty the mash into a bowl that’s probably not meant for cooking. Crack in the egg and pour in the flour while you drunkenly debate whether it’s enough/too much. Don’t waste your disposable gloves. Simply use your hands to knead the dough, adding flour until it stops sticking to your wedding ring.
When your dough is workable, dust your worktop (or laptop) with flour and roll it into snakes, just like you did with plasticine at school. Each snake should be approx. 12 inches long and as thin as a pre-lockdown finger. Slice the snakes into half inch pieces and press with a fork, if you’re feeling fancy. Set aside.
Meanwhile, heat the olive oil in a frying pan and brown the chopped leek. Toss in the finely chopped garlic and sliced ham, watching it sizzle like a naughty sunbather who refuses to socially distance. Glug in more oil while Mrs Flavour isn’t looking, so that it doesn’t stick to your favourite pan.
Throw in the peas and cook until they’re not frozen anymore. Season to taste and set aside.
Boil more water in that first pan. Throw in the gnocchi and cook until it floats to the surface. Panic because you don’t have a slotted spoon, then remove using a spatula.
Heat more olive oil in a clean pan. When hot, transfer the gnocchi and gently turn until it has an enviable tan.
Add the leek, ham and pea mixture to the gnocchi and let them mingle like people did circa February 2020. Serve into the best bowls you have and sprinkle with chopped parsley because it looks professional. Eat passionately.
We hope you enjoy this delicious recipe as much as we did. Stay tuned, as more recipes will follow. Well, until the pubs are open again. Keep safe and stay indoors.